The Controversy Over Cry-It-Out: Experts Weigh In 👶✨
The Debate Over Cry-It-Out
Few parenting topics spark as much debate as the cry-it-out (CIO) method of sleep training. Some parents swear by its quick results, while others worry about its potential impact on their baby’s emotional well-being. As a baby sleep specialist — and a parent myself — I’ve seen just how polarizing this method can be.
When I was sleep training my first baby, I remember feeling torn. On one hand, I was desperate for rest; on the other, I couldn’t bear the thought of letting my baby cry for long stretches. I spent hours researching, talking to other parents, and even consulting experts to figure out what was best for our family. What I discovered is that CIO, like any sleep training method, isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution — and it’s okay to have mixed feelings about it.
In this article, we’ll explore:
What CIO is and how it works.
Why it’s such a controversial topic among parents and experts.
The pros and cons of using CIO for sleep training.
Alternatives to CIO for families who prefer gentler approaches.
Whether you’re curious about CIO, considering trying it, or just want to understand why it stirs up so much emotion, this guide will give you the insights you need to make an informed decision.
📖 What Is the Cry-It-Out Method?
The cry-it-out (CIO) method is one of the most well-known — and often misunderstood — sleep training techniques. Its primary goal is to help babies learn to self-soothe and fall asleep independently by allowing them to cry for specified periods without immediate intervention.
🌟 The Basics of CIO
At its core, CIO involves gradually reducing a parent’s response to a baby’s cries at bedtime or during night wakings. This approach teaches babies to rely on their own ability to settle rather than external soothing methods, such as rocking or feeding.
How CIO Works:
Bedtime Routine: Parents follow a calming bedtime routine to prepare the baby for sleep.
Put Down Awake: The baby is placed in their crib while still awake, so they can practice falling asleep independently.
Allow Crying for Short Periods: If the baby cries, parents wait for a predetermined amount of time before checking in.
Gradual Check-Ins: Parents gradually extend the time between check-ins over several nights.
💡 Example: On the first night, a parent might check in after 3 minutes of crying, then after 5 minutes, and finally after 10 minutes. On subsequent nights, the intervals are extended.
🤔 What CIO Is NOT
There are many misconceptions about CIO, so let’s clear a few things up:
Not “Abandonment”: CIO doesn’t mean leaving your baby to cry endlessly without comfort. It involves a structured approach with check-ins and reassurance.
Not the Only Sleep Training Method: CIO is just one of many options parents can choose from.
Not for Newborns: CIO is typically recommended for babies over 6 months of age who are developmentally ready to self-soothe.
💡 Reminder: Always consult your pediatrician before starting any sleep training method to ensure it’s appropriate for your baby’s age and health.
🧠 How CIO Differs From Other Sleep Training Methods
1. Gradual Fading
Parents stay in the room or provide more consistent soothing but gradually reduce intervention over time.
2. Pick-Up/Put-Down
Parents pick up the baby to calm them but put them back down awake, repeating as needed.
3. Chair Method
Parents sit near the crib and gradually move further away each night to provide a comforting presence without picking up the baby.
💡 Tip: CIO is often chosen for its simplicity and faster results, but other methods may better suit families seeking gentler approaches.
The cry-it-out method is a structured sleep training approach designed to help babies learn to self-soothe. While it can be effective, it’s not the only option — and it’s important to choose a method that aligns with your parenting style and your baby’s needs.
💬 Why Is Cry-It-Out So Controversial?
The cry-it-out (CIO) method sparks passionate debates among parents, caregivers, and experts. For some, it’s a lifesaver that restores much-needed sleep. For others, it raises concerns about its emotional impact on babies. Let’s unpack why CIO is such a divisive topic.
❤️ Emotional Reactions Among Parents
Hearing your baby cry can be heart-wrenching, even if it’s part of a planned method. Many parents feel conflicted about CIO because:
1. It Challenges Natural Instincts
Parents are wired to respond to their baby’s cries as a signal of need.
Allowing a baby to cry, even briefly, can feel counterintuitive or guilt-inducing.
💡 Example: One mom I worked with said, “I knew it wasn’t harmful, but hearing my baby cry made me feel like I was failing her.”
2. Fear of Long-Term Impact
Parents worry that crying might harm their baby’s emotional well-being or sense of security.
Concerns about the baby feeling abandoned or less attached to caregivers are common.
💡 Reminder: Short-term crying as part of a structured sleep plan isn’t the same as neglect or ignoring a baby’s needs.
📊 Polarized Opinions Among Experts
Even experts in sleep and child development have differing views on CIO, which can add to parents’ confusion.
Experts Who Support CIO:
Cite research showing that CIO can improve sleep for both babies and parents without causing long-term harm.
Emphasize the benefits of better rest, which supports physical and emotional health for the entire family.
Experts Who Criticize CIO:
Raise concerns about stress responses in babies, such as elevated cortisol levels.
Highlight the importance of responsive caregiving, especially in the first year of life, to support secure attachment.
💡 Fact: While both perspectives have valid points, most agree that CIO is a tool — not a requirement — and should be used thoughtfully based on the baby’s and family’s needs.
🌟 Cultural and Parenting Style Differences
CIO may also clash with certain parenting philosophies or cultural norms:
Attachment Parenting
Parents who prioritize constant responsiveness may find CIO incompatible with their values.
Global Perspectives
In some cultures, co-sleeping or room-sharing is the norm, and independent sleep training is less common.
💡 Tip: Your parenting style and cultural context play an important role in choosing a sleep training method that feels right for your family.
Cry-it-out is a highly personal decision, and the controversy stems from its emotional challenges and differing expert opinions. Understanding both sides of the debate can help you make an informed choice that aligns with your values and your baby’s needs.
🧠 The Science Behind Cry-It-Out: What Studies Say
When it comes to cry-it-out (CIO), research plays a critical role in understanding its effectiveness and potential impact on babies. While some studies highlight its benefits, others raise questions about emotional well-being and stress responses. Let’s explore the science to help you make an informed decision.
📚 Research Supporting CIO
1. Improved Sleep for Babies and Parents
Several studies have found that CIO can help babies fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer, leading to better rest for the entire family.
Key Findings: Babies who undergo CIO often experience significant improvements in nighttime sleep within a week.
Why It Matters: Restful sleep supports physical growth, cognitive development, and mood regulation for babies — and provides parents with much-needed recovery time.
💡 Fact: A 2016 study published in Pediatrics found that graduated extinction (a form of CIO) effectively reduced night wakings without long-term harm to babies’ emotional health.
2. No Long-Term Emotional Harm
Critics often worry that CIO could harm a baby’s sense of security or attachment, but research suggests otherwise:
Key Findings: Studies tracking children after CIO training found no evidence of increased behavioral problems or weakened parent-child bonds.
Why It Matters: Responsive caregiving during the day appears to buffer against any short-term stress caused by CIO.
💡 Example: A 2012 study in Pediatrics concluded that babies who underwent CIO showed no differences in attachment or emotional health compared to those who didn’t.
⚠️ Concerns Highlighted by Critics
1. Elevated Stress Hormones
Some research has found that crying during CIO can temporarily increase cortisol (a stress hormone) in babies.
Key Concerns: Prolonged stress without comfort could theoretically affect emotional regulation and brain development.
Context: Short, structured crying episodes are unlikely to have the same impact as chronic stress or neglect.
💡 Fact: Stress responses during CIO are typically short-lived, especially when parents provide comfort and reassurance during check-ins.
2. Emotional and Physical Readiness
Critics argue that CIO may not be appropriate for all babies, especially those younger than 6 months or those with specific health concerns.
Key Concerns: Younger babies may lack the ability to self-soothe and could experience more distress during CIO.
💡 Tip: Always consult with your pediatrician before starting CIO to ensure it’s suitable for your baby’s developmental stage.
🧪 Balancing Research and Individual Needs
The Takeaway From Science
CIO can be an effective tool for improving sleep when used appropriately.
Short-term crying during CIO doesn’t appear to cause long-term emotional harm.
Every baby is unique, and it’s essential to consider their temperament, age, and your parenting style when deciding on sleep training methods.
💡 Reminder: Studies provide general guidance, but your baby’s well-being and your comfort as a parent should guide your decision.
The science behind cry-it-out reveals both its benefits and limitations. While it can improve sleep for many families without long-term harm, it’s important to weigh the research against your baby’s individual needs and your personal parenting philosophy.
✅ Pros of Cry-It-Out
The cry-it-out (CIO) method has its share of advocates, and for good reason — when used appropriately, it can bring significant benefits for both babies and parents. Let’s explore the advantages of this approach.
🌙 1. Promotes Independent Sleep Skills
CIO helps babies learn to self-soothe and fall asleep without relying on external aids, like rocking or feeding.
Why It Matters: Teaching your baby to self-settle fosters better long-term sleep habits.
Bonus: These skills can make future transitions, like moving to a toddler bed, much easier.
💡 Example: One family I worked with reported that their 8-month-old started falling asleep on her own within four nights of implementing CIO, resulting in longer, uninterrupted stretches of sleep.
😴 2. Improves Sleep for the Whole Family
Better baby sleep means better parent sleep, too!
Why It Matters: Sleep deprivation can take a toll on your physical and mental health, as well as your relationships.
Benefits for Parents: More rest means more energy and patience to enjoy time with your baby.
💡 Fact: Studies show that parents often experience reduced stress and improved well-being after successfully implementing CIO.
⏱️ 3. Fast and Effective
For many families, CIO yields results quickly — often within a few days to a week.
Why It Matters: Unlike more gradual methods, CIO’s structured approach can deliver rapid improvements in sleep.
Timeframe: Babies typically adapt to CIO within 3–7 nights, depending on their age and temperament.
💡 Tip: Consistency is key to achieving faster results with CIO.
❤️ 4. Can Be Tailored to Fit Your Comfort Level
CIO doesn’t have to mean letting your baby cry for long, extended periods.
Modified CIO: Variations like “graduated extinction” allow for timed check-ins to reassure your baby while they learn to self-soothe.
Why It Matters: Flexibility in the approach can make CIO more manageable for parents who find long crying spells difficult.
💡 Example: A mom I worked with felt more comfortable using the chair method alongside CIO, allowing her to stay present while her baby learned to fall asleep.
Cry-it-out can be a highly effective method for improving sleep, promoting independence, and restoring rest for the whole family. While it’s not the right fit for every family, its benefits make it a valuable option for those ready to try it.
❌ Cons of Cry-It-Out
While the cry-it-out (CIO) method can be effective, it’s not without challenges. For some families, the emotional toll and situational factors make CIO a less suitable option. Let’s explore the potential drawbacks to consider before deciding if CIO is right for you.
😭 1. Emotional Difficulty for Parents
Listening to your baby cry, even for a short time, can be deeply upsetting for many parents.
Why It Matters: The emotional stress of CIO can lead to feelings of guilt, doubt, or anxiety.
Impact on Consistency: If parents find it too difficult to follow through, it can disrupt progress and prolong the process.
💡 Tip: If hearing your baby cry feels overwhelming, consider gentler methods or modified versions of CIO.
👶 2. Not Suitable for All Babies
Some babies may struggle more with CIO due to their temperament, age, or specific needs.
Why It Matters: Highly sensitive babies or those with strong separation anxiety may become more distressed with CIO.
Age Concerns: CIO is generally not recommended for babies under 6 months old, as they may not yet be developmentally ready to self-soothe.
💡 Reminder: Always consult your pediatrician to determine if CIO is appropriate for your baby’s age and circumstances.
⚠️ 3. Potential Impact on Attachment (When Done Incorrectly)
Critics of CIO often raise concerns about its impact on a baby’s emotional well-being.
Why It Matters: Prolonged, unresponsive crying can affect a baby’s sense of security if not balanced with loving, responsive caregiving during the day.
What Experts Say: Studies show that when parents maintain strong attachment behaviors during the day, short-term crying during sleep training doesn’t harm emotional bonds.
💡 Tip: Be responsive and loving during awake hours to reinforce your baby’s sense of trust and security.
💤 4. It Doesn’t Work for Every Family
CIO requires a high level of consistency and commitment, which may not align with every family’s lifestyle or values.
Why It Matters: Families who struggle with maintaining the method may find it frustrating or ineffective.
Cultural Considerations: Some cultures prioritize co-sleeping or other sleep practices that make CIO less compatible.
💡 Tip: If CIO doesn’t align with your parenting style, explore alternatives like gradual fading or the pick-up/put-down method.
😬 5. Short-Term Stress for Babies
Crying, even for short periods, can temporarily increase stress hormones like cortisol in babies.
Why It Matters: While research shows no long-term harm, the short-term stress may still be challenging for parents to navigate.
💡 Reminder: Structured check-ins during CIO can help minimize stress while allowing your baby to learn self-soothing skills.
Cry-it-out isn’t for everyone, and it’s okay if it doesn’t feel right for your family. Understanding its potential downsides can help you make an informed decision and explore alternatives if needed.
🌿 Alternatives to Cry-It-Out
If the cry-it-out (CIO) method doesn’t align with your parenting style or feels too emotionally challenging, there are plenty of gentler sleep training options. These alternatives focus on gradually teaching your baby to self-soothe while minimizing tears and maintaining a close connection.
❤️ 1. Gradual Fading Method
What It Is:
Gradual fading involves slowly reducing your involvement in helping your baby fall asleep. Over time, you lessen your soothing techniques, allowing your baby to become more independent.
How It Works:
Start with your usual bedtime routine, such as rocking or patting.
Gradually reduce the amount of time spent on these activities each night.
Over several days or weeks, allow your baby to take over the process of falling asleep.
💡 Tip: Be patient — this method requires time but can be very effective for parents seeking a no-tears approach.
🤱 2. Pick-Up/Put-Down Method
What It Is:
This method focuses on soothing your baby by picking them up when they cry but putting them back down once they’re calm.
How It Works:
When your baby cries, pick them up to provide comfort.
Once they’re calm, place them back in the crib while still awake.
Repeat as needed, gradually decreasing the frequency of picking up over time.
💡 Example: A parent I worked with used this method with their 7-month-old, and within two weeks, their baby was falling asleep independently.
🪑 3. The Chair Method
What It Is:
The chair method involves providing a comforting presence near your baby as they learn to fall asleep on their own.
How It Works:
Sit in a chair near your baby’s crib at bedtime.
Each night, move the chair slightly farther away until you’re out of the room entirely.
Reassure your baby with soft words or touch as needed but avoid picking them up.
💡 Tip: This method works well for parents who want to stay close during the sleep training process.
🌙 4. No Tears Approach
What It Is:
The no-tears approach focuses on minimizing crying by closely responding to your baby’s cues and using gentle techniques to encourage sleep.
How It Works:
Co-sleeping or room-sharing can help babies feel secure while learning to sleep longer.
Responsive settling techniques, like patting or gentle shushing, are used to calm your baby without letting them cry for long.
💡 Reminder: This approach is often slower but can be a great option for parents who prioritize attachment-based methods.
🌞 5. Adjusting Sleep Routines Without Formal Training
If formal sleep training feels unnecessary, consider tweaking your baby’s sleep environment and routine:
Consistent Bedtime Routine: Create a calming routine to signal that it’s time for sleep.
Sleep Environment: Ensure the room is dark, quiet, and at a comfortable temperature.
Daytime Schedule: Optimize nap times and wake windows to promote better nighttime sleep.
💡 Example: Sometimes, a simple change — like introducing white noise or adjusting bedtime — can significantly improve sleep without requiring a formal method.
Alternatives to cry-it-out provide gentle and effective ways to help your baby sleep better while maintaining emotional closeness. The right method depends on your baby’s temperament, developmental stage, and your parenting values.
🛌 When CIO or Alternatives May Be the Right Fit for Your Family
Deciding whether to use the cry-it-out (CIO) method or one of its gentler alternatives depends on several factors unique to your baby and your parenting style. Knowing when and how to implement these approaches can help ensure a smoother sleep training journey.
😊 When CIO Might Be a Good Option
CIO can be effective for families who are looking for quicker results and feel comfortable with a more structured approach.
Signs CIO May Work for You:
Your Baby Is Developmentally Ready
Babies aged 6 months and older are typically better equipped to self-soothe and sleep for longer stretches.
You Need Fast Results
CIO often shows significant improvements within a week, making it a good choice for parents struggling with sleep deprivation.
Your Baby Thrives on Routine
CIO works well for babies who respond positively to structure and predictability.
You’re Emotionally Prepared
Parents who feel confident and comfortable with the method are more likely to stay consistent, which is key to success.
💡 Tip: Consult your pediatrician to confirm that CIO is appropriate for your baby’s age, temperament, and health.
🌿 When to Consider Alternatives to CIO
Gentler sleep training methods may be a better fit for families who prefer a more hands-on approach or want to minimize crying.
Signs Alternatives May Be Better:
Your Baby Is Younger Than 6 Months
Babies under 6 months often need more hands-on soothing and aren’t ready for CIO.
You’re Not Comfortable with Crying
If the emotional toll of CIO feels overwhelming, consider methods that allow for more interaction.
Your Baby Has a Sensitive Temperament
Highly sensitive or anxious babies may respond better to gradual fading or the chair method.
Cultural or Parenting Style Considerations
Families who prioritize attachment parenting or co-sleeping may find no-tears methods more compatible with their values.
💡 Reminder: Every family is different — it’s okay to choose an approach that aligns with your parenting philosophy and comfort level.
❤️ How to Decide What’s Right for Your Family
Questions to Ask Yourself:
Am I emotionally prepared for the method I choose?
Does this approach suit my baby’s temperament and developmental stage?
Will I be able to stay consistent with this method?
💡 Tip: It’s okay to try one method and adjust if it doesn’t feel right. Sleep training isn’t one-size-fits-all!
Choosing between CIO and its alternatives is a deeply personal decision. By considering your baby’s readiness, your family’s needs, and your own comfort level, you can select a sleep training approach that works best for your unique situation.
Trusting Your Instincts in the Sleep Training Journey
The decision to use cry-it-out (CIO) or an alternative sleep training method is one of the many important choices you’ll make as a parent. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, and what works for one family might not work for another. The key is to trust your instincts, respect your baby’s unique needs, and choose an approach that feels right for your family.
❤️ What You’ve Learned
CIO is a structured method with both advocates and critics, offering quick results but requiring emotional readiness.
Alternatives like gradual fading, pick-up/put-down, and the chair method provide gentler paths to better sleep.
Every baby and family is unique, so the right method depends on your values, parenting style, and your baby’s temperament.
😊 Final Encouragement
Whether you choose CIO, a gentler approach, or a hybrid method, remember: you’re doing your best, and your baby’s well-being is your priority. Sleep training is a journey, and it’s okay to make adjustments along the way. Celebrate small wins — whether it’s a longer stretch of sleep or a smoother bedtime — and know that restful nights are within reach.
💡 Tip: Reach out for support if you need it. Talking to a pediatrician or sleep specialist can provide clarity and reassurance as you navigate this transition.
📞 Need Help Deciding? We’re Here for You!
If you’re feeling uncertain about sleep training or want personalized guidance, Dreaming Littles offers consultations to help you find the best method for your baby and family.
👉 Schedule a Free Intro Consultation Today and take the first step toward better sleep for everyone. 🌙✨